alphabet city is soggy soup

we’re not new yorkers
because there are none

they’re buried in sleepy hollow
on the islands of the city
left out to dry

flocks of us, having read walt,
thinking there’s more than

black coats and tough guy movies

bad rock stars with
loud nothings

hairy brains

and worn out cocks

adam and ryan
whine from the village
about the thorns on their rose parade

a good paul followed the caravan
fleeing some time later to the red dirt

i sit a bit northward
beginning again, in a most unfashionable shirt

we’re not new yorkers
because there are none

we’re not new yorkers
because when the drink runs our engines

we wish we had a firepit
we wish we had wisconsin back
we wish we had ortherockies or the orthedriveon52
wider lanes and tiny magic nighttime cities
the boredom of iowa to see a show
back rooms you can get into and
people you hear and smell and know
the sort of good company
that’s capped with snow
and drops the petals of open spaces on the ones we love

a few million visitors
capped with chic cigarettes
and the right to emphysema,

cursing badass whimpers
through pursed lips,

about to die with a black car
and a black suit

and black shoes

we’re not new yorkers
because we don’t wear shoes

and because there are none

because they paved over
the beautiful, uncut hair of graves

because we are less in their meditations
than we might suppose

on college students

college students are both the most helpfully brilliant
and
naively stupid and laughable
members of society.

as someone ideologically trapped between liberalism and conservatism (some might say free within borders -- free i may be, one who has surrendered), i've found that at least one truth seems to shed some light on young, stupid, brilliant, drunk people's value to old, wise, boring sober people:

Living in a "college town" or near lots of universities is infinitely more enjoyable and culturally inspiring than not. people who want (or are forced by virtue of environment) to spend their time learning, do not really work. so they have time to make the world more interesting and enjoyable for those of us who have to drive for 45 minutes on a two lane road to a job that really doesn't interest us that much, spend the day typing, talking to people who can't solve problems a chimp could master, getting paid too little, driving an hour back home, eating a fried dinner, watching our gut grow slightly every week, watching "everybody loves raymond" reflect our, or our significant other's family life, going to sleep, waking up, taking the dog out, putting on uncomfortable clothes, shaving off whiskers that REALLY want to grow, .... you get the idea.

they give us late night pizza delivery guys that are too stoned to care if you tip them well, great remixes of old bjork tunes we forgot were mindblowing, new ways to think about pastries (???), phish concerts (no more, i suppose, but don't knock till you have... tried it), really great paintings that you can buy for 25 bucks and wait 75 years and sell for 56 bucks, conversations about kirilov (who else would know who kirilov is?), beer that you get to drink but their parents somehow indirectly paid for, good jokes about george lucas, EXTREMELY loud farts that wake everyone up by sound and put them back to sleep by odor, philosophers and physicists exchanging ideas and blows, fantastic bagel sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil for lunch, and full attendance at shows that would otherwise go shamefully under-appreciated (kelly joe phelps, bela fleck and edgar meyer, glen hansard and marketa irglova).

thank you, philosophers and theoretical physicists in training. i will not ruin your current acid trip by ruining the suspense about the next chapter of your life. alright, yes i will: it's depressing, simply because it's not as good as the last one. but it's not really that bad. you'll realize that charlie rose is your idol, you wish you would've figured out how to get a job with 'globe trekker,' and you might even still not vote democratic. maybe. but you might.

my favoritest in the last few minutes

i just saw a commercial -- i already forgot what it's for -- in which a man said he was going to (in a particular video game) "beat (his friend) like a rented mule."

also, i think that under "douche" in the richardtionary, it says "see lucas, george."

and also, sometimes things fall from outer space to make you laugh when you need a good chucklefart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4_MsrsKzMM

worth cutting and pasting if you have to, because i'm too lazy to figure out how to put the actual video in the blog.

and also, corona beer is no good

and also, pilsners from poland are good

and also, there's not enough time for this.

Re: Brothers, part 1

I think that most of the time, people don’t understand the question. If you could just sit in that box all plugged in and love it. It wouldn’t just be the baser things. I think that anyone that’s been both places’d tell you

Having a cool drink up in the mountains with just enough acid and really believing it all works together, and even tends to shape out rather well, and that the brightly colored breathing walls are a nice touch

Or thirsty for non-gritty tap water on another god-forsaken windy cold as fuck late night doing nothing but disappointing everything you ever lay your senses on, walking the valley in a slow, steady circle, knowing you aren’t climbing anymore, knowing you can climb, not climbing.

and it’s “high as fuck on Olympus doc, I don’t care if it’s in a box, in a fluid with a tube down my ‘real’ throat’

but this should’ve been quite obvious, and isn’t much new.

This is where Ivan ends

And his brother begins.
This is where the quiet runt of the litter nods and smiles and sips his beer

And everyone listens just for a second.

For some reason they look at him, at first anticipating to be amused by his reaction. His shy duck of right hooks. His unanswers. His ribless chest of recycled air.

But they listen just for a second.

And the alyosha among nameless clans and motherless families, huddled in the cold, chugging vodka for the lack of good acid, spewing ideas for the lack of bright colors, killing pastors for the lack of honest revolutionaries,

Spoke of the dust and dimmer days in the kind of cold a valley needs to hold to really grow up

And seeing no rain with dry eyesAnd being months past crying for much of anything
And wakeless turns of the ground

“To remember a quiet promise there and hold on to the whisper of a world that seemed to move on without you,

to stir beauty with a dirty spoon and eat olives far below sea level,

these are the god’s legs that outrace your machine.”

Field Trip!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DsouYCY8wX0

"Chinese officials to resolve disputes with dissenting citizens by sponsoring luxury vacation to superhappyfun camp at remote rural location"

drugwar, policy = ssa

according to our federal government's legal guidelines and classifications:

schedule I
heroin = peyote = marijuana

schedule II
cocaine = crystal meth = ritalin

not scheduled
alcohol = tobacco
----------------------
let's put that another way (and no i don't feel bad about over-simplifying how 'they' come to these decisions)

just say no or die immediately

stealing tv's from old people, not eating, etc. because it feels so good and is so addictive = spending an entire day believing you are slowly mutating into a giant walking squidpig named Elvin Rayraybobshinkick = these stale hard pretzels are making me REALLY thirsty.

just say no or we'll break down your door and pee on your rug

"SNAP INTO A SLIMJIM, SNAP INTO A SLIMJIM, SNAP INTO A SLIMJIM" followed by a massive heart attack = breakdancing in an unfinished basement for 27 straight hours to the recording of the lawnmower you made yesterday set on repeat and I just can't stop and it's RAD! = writing papers in half the time

go ahead and kill yourself and others with these cash cows, and we'll let taxpayers pay for your diseases!

around 100,000 deaths anually, 40% of all traffic deaths, frat boys, karaoke = "More deaths are caused each year by tobacco use than by all deaths from human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), illegal drug use, alcohol use, motor vehicle injuries, suicides, and murders combined" (CDC), really stinky used couches, smoke inhalation WITHOUT Pink Floyd album enhancement (why?).

like i said, ssa.

they peed on my fucking rug.

BLOGOSPHERE: It's an internet -- about nothing

BLOGGERJOSH: It's about nothing.

WWW: No story?

BLOGGERJOSH: No forget the story.

WWW: You've got to have a story.

BLOGGERJOSH: Who says you gotta have a story? Remember when we were waiting for,
for that table in that Chinese restaurant that time? That could be a blog entry

WWW: And who is in the blog? Who are the characters?

BLOGGERJOSH: I could be a character.

WWW: You?

BLOGGERJOSH: Yeah. You could base a character on me.

WWW: So, in the blog, there's a character named Josh Christiansen?

BLOGGERJOSH: Yeah. There's something wrong with that? I'm a character. People are always saying to me, "You know you're a quite a character."

WWW: And who else is in the blog?

BLOGGERJOSH: Em could be a character. Gemma..

WWW: Now Gemma's a character. (Pause) So everybody you know is a character in the blog?

BLOGGERJOSH: Right.

WWW: And it's about nothing?

BLOGGERJOSH: Absolutely nothing.

WWW: So you're saying, I go in to some blogging site, and tell them I got this idea for a blog about nothing.

BLOGGERJOSH: We go into some blogging site.

WWW: "We"? Since when are you a writer?

BLOGGERJOSH: (Scoffs) Writer. We're talking about the internet.