tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13826693225041859292024-03-13T06:22:05.074-04:00Tea with Stavrogin / Nobody's ReadingJoshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-9770141030900917952013-11-05T11:57:00.001-05:002013-11-05T12:00:22.321-05:00M@%HEM HAPPENS - PACKERS SIGNING BACKFIRES<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uZp8vEk3H1k/Unkc95xNiwI/AAAAAAAAADU/YFU6pvCSN8w/s1600/mayhem+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uZp8vEk3H1k/Unkc95xNiwI/AAAAAAAAADU/YFU6pvCSN8w/s320/mayhem+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ghostly presence of Mayhem, shown here piling on</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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An attempt to gain an extra edge went awry for the Green Bay
Packers on Monday night when recently-acquired fullback, the Allstate
Insurance-contrived mythical figure known as Mayhem, contributed to a play
which injured his own starting quarterback, Aaron Rodgers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Rodgers was being sacked by Bears
defensive end Shea McClellin, Mayhem apparently jumped on top of McClellin,
forcing Rodgers’ left shoulder violently into the turf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rodgers left the game and did not return, and
the Packers’ cut-rate insurance plan, Seneca Wallace, was unable to see over
the heads of his lineman, as the Bears claimed their first victory at Lambeau Field since the Coolidge administration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Lost amidst the panic of a potential multi-week stretch
without Rodgers is the shroud of mystery surrounding the Packers’ fullback,
Mayhem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An anonymous team source claims the signing took place during the bye week, with Mayhem to serve as a battering ram for rookie… battering
ram.. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eddie Lacy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The source remarked that the aim was to “get
a real running game going, and turn the tables a little on the whole
god-hates-us rash of injuries.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any ‘collateral
damage’ to opposing defensive players was left out of his written contract, but
the Packers apparently expected Mayhem to “at least twist a few knees from time
to time.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Mayhem is technically a force
of nature, and barely visible to the human eye (unless contractually obligated for
television advertisements), league rules to not require the Packers to list him on the 46-player gameday roster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only sensory evidence of
Mayhem’s involvement at the time of the play was a shrill, maniacal cackling heard
by both McClellin and Rodgers after the play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In an attempt to obtain comment from the fullback following Monday’s
contest, a network camera operator slipped in a pool of gasoline, dropped his cigarette,
and burst into flames.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Beyond dealing with the loss of Rodgers, the Packers also
now have a tough decision with regards to Mayhem's tenure in Green Bay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some are also pointing an accusatory finger toward the injury sustained by
Jermichael Finley, which leaves his season, and perhaps his career in
question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Speculation is running wild
regarding the fullback’s potential involvement in an incident bearing the
undeniable mark of the kind of invisible player who falls on cars from great
heights, distracts teenage drivers, and lights camera operators on fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In releasing Mayhem, however, the Packers are
clearly concerned about the decline of the now-ever-important running game, as
well as possible retribution from a potentially dangerous character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In an
official team comment on that very issue, General Manager Ted Thompson essentially defended his player, stating: “Mayhem
is a valued member of our organization, and we currently no plans to release
him, or reduce his role on the field due to these unfounded accusations of his
intention to injure Aaron Rodgers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also,
Mike McCarthy, the front office staff and I all agree – we don’t need that
fucker releasing raccoons into our homes during Christmas dinner.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Packers fans, however are clearly more focused on the state
of their star quarterback.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wisconsin
State Highway Patrol officers have been advised to keep an eye out for any cars
parked near bridges of significant height, and the legal sale of Draino, handguns,
and beverages with an alcohol content of over 60% have been restricted to hippies
and out-of-towners until further notice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The internet and social media are expectedly ablaze with Eeyore-isms, blame (in all
directions), and doomsday predictions for the Packers’ season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One such comment, attributed to the handle “Cow42,” actually
predicted the Packers would somehow manage to lose 31 games this season now that
Rodgers is out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br />
Indeed, the gloom hangs heavy in
Packerland, and as Mike McCarthy put it “We’re going to do the best we can, but
to be honest, when was the last time you saw a Packer team that sustained<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a high number of key injuries, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>had to start a backup quarterback late in the
season, and relied on a strong running game and stout defensive line – when is
the last time you saw a team like that really achieve anything?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-19586631261560628542013-07-25T16:11:00.000-04:002013-07-26T11:10:03.633-04:00There's Needles and Grass in m'Beer<div>
Over the last few years, I've unintentionally eased my way into a mild state of semi-beer-snobbery. I don't really drink to get hammered very
often these days, and I've convinced myself that one really good beer every few days is a reasonable substitute for a healthy obsession with say, PCP or salsa dancing - neither of which really interests me. So I'd agree with Benjamin Franklin when he said "beer
is proof that god loves us," but I'll amend it slightly (since Benji
was never forced to try Natty Ice) to <i>"good beer...</i>" So I enjoy $6/ bottle beer that smells like raisin bread and has
stuff floating in it. That's where I am, and I'm okay with that. As long as I don't ever get to
the point of bemoaning someone offering me a 'crappy' beer, or planning a
pilgrimage to Belgium just to have some 'elusive' beer that monks don't want to
sell in stores. <br />
<br /></div>
My point is, I like to think that I have some perspective about my snobbery. I think that's important when you want to really enjoy all the other wonderful simple things life has to offer, or when you have no money. So
when I stumble across the following review - by, oh, let's call him "Mr. X." to make him even more enigmatic - of a <b>bottle of beer</b> (bold = reminder for perspective) - I can't
help but wonder how on earth our species has managed things like the
polio vaccine, space travel, or Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.<br />
<br />
So here it is, Mr. X's beer review that reads like the highlights from a publisher-rejected romance novel:<br />
<br />
<i></i><br />
<i>"Starting with a brilliant and glowing ruby color, the snifter simply
glows like a night light. Mildly hazed, the color is of deep amber honey
in mesmerizing fashion. Capped with a dainty off-white head, its creme
skirts the glass evenly until later in the session when it reduces to a
collar along the glass.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Bursting with malt sweetness, the nose is
chocked full of maple, buckwheat, molasses, toffee, and nuttiness. Its
hearty sweetness nearly whets the mouth from its aromatics alone. A firm
hop undertow peaks through with dried citrus peels and pine needles for
a strong hop scaffolding although the scent is certainly malt-centric.<br /><br />Likewise,
the sweetness from malt is strong, seductive, and runs the gamut from
maple syrup and brittle to bread crust and sorghum. Strong buckwheat
honey toffee, pistachios, and fresh sweet tobacco keep the waves of
sultry sweetness coming. A late rise of hops reveal a supportive balance
with grapefruit and orange peel, pine and fresh grass, and with a
deeply resinous bitterness that assists the sweetness with a malty-dry
finish and alcohol flavors of spiced rum<br /><br />Incredibly bold and even
chewy at first, the beer seeps into the soft tissues of the mouth with
its sultry sweetness in true dessert-like fashion- easily replacing port
wines as after dinner digestives. Rich with residual sweetness, the
late rise of alcohol spice and drying hops signal closure and extends
well into aftertaste."</i><br />
<i></i><br />
<i></i>8 year olds, dude.<br />
<br />
But seriously, "<i>Capped with a dainty off-white head, its creme
skirts the glass"</i>? Sounds like an excerpt from a Nabokov knock-off, or... or ... a <i>wine </i>review. Here's a not-so-short list of words in this piece that should never, ever appear in a beer review:<br />
<br />
<i>night light</i><br />
<i>mesmerizing</i><br />
<i>dainty</i><br />
<i>creme (at least not this French version of the spelling)</i><br />
<i>skirts</i><br />
<i>session </i><br />
<i>undertow</i><br />
<i>scaffolding</i><br />
<i>seductive</i><br />
<i>sultry</i><br />
<i>needles</i><br />
<i>grass </i><br />
<i>soft tissues</i><br />
<br />
(Coincidentally, the only other piece of writing which contains all of these words is "Le Bulion de Goarchende Feuerminteggs," a 19th century French short story about a young accountant, Pierre, who enters the dark, drug-riddled underworld of after hours, cross-dress tax auditing, and in a pot and morphine induced stupor, ends his life by jumping off an under-construction tower into a raging river.)<br />
<br />
I wonder if he was listening to Ravel's Bolero, surrounded candlelight while he picked out just the right shirt for his beer 'session.' For a few moments, I wonder how men who can have such a gloriously romantic evening with a brewski might ever bring themselves to have a highlife at a baseball game, or drive 30 miles for White Castle, or ever <b>meet a woman</b>. When I process phrases like "<i>the beer seeps into the soft tissues of the mouth with
its sultry sweetness,"</i> I can't help but think of Adrian Cronauer in "Good Morning Vietnam" telling his Commanding Officer that "(he) is in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history." <br />
<br />
I digress. My aim here isn't just to pick on this connoisseur/wordsmith and his red velvet curtains. It's to pick on him <i>and </i>make myself feel better about myself and my own, more enlightened perspective. And what do I think the answer to both my question about how that kind of dude meets women, AND the answer to why his perspective seems so disturbingly skewed? Of course, it's money. Money turns uninteresting and obnoxious men into'eligible bachelors.' Money makes people think things that are exclusive are necessarily valuable. So valuable, in fact, that they require entire vacations to Belgium to say "I've had Westy 12." Magically, grapefruits and fresh grass and tobacco and leather suddenly appear in our beers. Beer with a higher pricetag needs to be described as 'sultry' or 'seductive.' People with the palate of a de-tongued llama amass a bit of wealth, and suddenly, claiming to be able to discern between the Reserva and the Gran Reserva is of urgent importance.<br />
<br />
Practically speaking, the sad thing is that the more people have (and express) this sort of attitude about good beer, the more exclusive it will become. and the more exclusive it becomes, the more expensive it will become - rinse, repeat. And if I have to pay even more for fantastic beer, well that deserves an emphatic and eloquent "you fuckers" sort of response.<br />
<br />
For example, Westvleteren 12, has for a few years at least, been the highest-rated beer in the world. Coincidentally (or not), you can only legally buy it at one single place in the whole big gigantic goddamned beer-selling world. The abbey where the monks brew it. Last year, they had a one-time public sale - you can't blame the monks, who don't sell more than they need to to maintain the monastery, and they sell enough on-site - but they decided on a public sale to pay for some major structural repairs. Any profit they make goes to charity. Six packs were sent to select stores in the U.S., in some, not all states. The six-packs sold retail for about $85 (yes, that's still almost $15/bottle). Within days, they were selling for $500 or more online. There is an empty Westy 12 six-pack box selling for $100 right now - no beer included - I can't even fathom the level of douchebaggery it would take to justify spending 45 BK doublestackers worth of cash (plus shipping) on the cardboard box of a beer you <i>never even drank</i>. There are 4 or 5 beers on the shelf at the Hi-Vee down the road from me which even the nerdiest beer-nerd will admit are pretty-much-almost as good as Westy 12 (if not better), and they sell for $3-$6 a bottle. This is the madness that the expensive/exclusive cycle drives us to - moneytoburn-ness causes us to believe that there is inherent value in something that is hard to get.<br />
<br />
My guess is, that's Mr. X's problem. He may have, at one time, been a mild-mannered accountant, minding his own business and enjoying the simple things in life, playing Punch-Out during his MillerTime. It could be that the mysterious death of a senior account manager opened the perfect opportunity for him, and that the money turned his soul darker than a Russian Imperial Stout -- that his love affair with nuttiness, hop scaffolding and sultry malt undertows drove his friends and family away. He may drive up and down the coast with his new gold-plated cronies, buying everyone out of the most sought after craft brews so he can stock his beer aging cellar and keep the promise of the finest reviews and higher prices for years to come. It could happen. Who knows. Or maybe he's just a huge fucking dork. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-7464578959143731712009-05-28T13:00:00.004-04:002009-05-28T13:28:52.185-04:00THE WORLD ISN'T GETTING SMALLER, STUPID- it's getting more full of our shit, and the internet is getting 'bigger.'<br /><br />- it still takes just as long to get from milwaukee to madison, from new york to miami. planes aren't flying faster, cars aren't traveling at low-bit rate digital speeds.<br /><br />- you can still buy land in montana, build a hut, buy a gross of freeze-dried food and a crossbow, and never see another human for as long as you live.<br /><br />- if you wait a few years, everest's peak won't be within your capabilities.<br /><br />- it's not getting smaller, because apparently distance never had any relevance anyway: <a href="http://www.trialectics.com/Physics/Quantum%20Nonlocality.htm">http://www.trialectics.com/Physics/Quantum%20Nonlocality.htm</a><br /><br />- hulu is sucking out our brains, which you'd think would make the world seem bigger.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ePpNg6DcARU/SM1sRYcbr1I/AAAAAAAABW8/EmFth_huew4/s400/ShrunkenHeadGuy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ePpNg6DcARU/SM1sRYcbr1I/AAAAAAAABW8/EmFth_huew4/s400/ShrunkenHeadGuy.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>that is all.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-61970004674363057022009-05-13T16:57:00.063-04:002009-05-14T16:23:34.072-04:00PACKERS' PLOT UNCOVERED<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgxjcULvVhI/AAAAAAAAACA/AhcOn-b-eww/s1600-h/ft1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgxjcULvVhI/AAAAAAAAACA/AhcOn-b-eww/s320/ft1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335748996632630802" border="0" /></a>
<br />
<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cjelcs%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Georgia; panose-1:2 4 5 2 5 4 5 2 3 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="font-size:85%;">by Smapoffmai Johnsonrod</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;">Former Packer quarterback Brett Favre and current Packers’ general manager Ted Thompson were exposed on Tuesday for attempting one of the most elaborate hoaxes in sports history.<span style=""> </span>A series of e-mails between the two detailing their plans to sabotage NFC North opponents was inadv</span><span style="font-family:Georgia;">ertently ‘forward(ed) to all contacts’ instead of being deleted, according to Thompson.</span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style=""> </span>“Fucking gmail,” Thompson was quoted to have said Wednesday to reporters.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;">The hoax began in 2007, when the two spread false notions of bitterness regarding Favre’s unwillingness to retire, and Thompson’s haste to move the team forward with young prospect Aaron Rodgers.<span style=""> </span>Favre and Thompson staged a stubborn battle when Favre unretired, claiming to have desire initially to play again for the Packers. <span style=""> </span>Hints were floated that Favre’s frustration had sprouted into revenge, and that he now wanted to play for the Vikings to ‘stick it’ to Thompson and the Packers for forcing him out of Green Bay.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;">“(laughter) Hell, I love the Packers, but brats give me gas</span><span style="font-family:Georgia;">, and I can't stand the vi-queens and bears. <span style=""> </span>It was definitely time to quit playing <span style="font-style: italic;">for real</span>, but this plan of Ted’s was just too good to pass up,” Favre told reporters at a joint press conference on Thursday morning.<span style=""> </span>That plan -- involving Favre, Thompson, Favre’s agent, as well as members of the Denver Bronco’s front office and coaching staff who lost a video game contest to Thompson -- was a mind-numbingly complex attempt to submarine the Minnesota Vikings and Chicago Bears for the near future. The primary goal was to install Favre in Minnesota to bring the team hope of a championship, only to let them down with shoddy play and fuck-all, rainbow interceptions down the stretch. "Shit, I've</span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"> been doing it for years by accident, who wouldn't believe it if I threw a couple 40 yard bombs to Charles Woodson in week 16 to lose the division?" said Favre.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">But in a decision made by Thompson, the Packers avoided trading Favre directly to the Vikings to avoid suspicion. Playing for the Jets in 2008 also gave Favre a full season of practice at ripping the hearts from the chests of millions of Jets fans late in the year. The idea was that Jets fans would be a good sample population, having themselves plenty of experience (like Vikings fans) with horrible, late-season implosions. It would also give Favre a good learning opportunity to hone his skills as a coach-killer - an element of the Minnesota plan which was added after Eric Mangini was banished to Cleveland by the Jets, following a beautiful executed, lead-by-example drop-off in play from Favre.
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">After retiring a second time, Favre waited until the Jets drafted a franchise quarterback in the 2009 NFL draft, and pounced on the opportunity to ask for a full release from the Jets. He was getting "the itch" to play again -- an itch that many speculated could only be satisfied by beating his old team in a Vikings uniform. "I love calling it the 'itch' to come back," said Favre. "It's like Ted gave </span></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">me a rash that only Major Dad can scratch (laughter). With that mustache. Actually, I do have some redness here, what do you think this is? Right here below my(expletive)."
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">Favre's Viking stint was intended not only to destroy the 2009/10 season, but also to create a fractured locker room by embittering Sagevaris Jackenfels, the Vikings 2-headed excuse for a starting quarterback -- and by dividing the remaining players over the whole situation. Coach Brad "Major Dad" Childress was an anticipated casualty as well. "I mean, in some sense, who wouldn't want Brad Childress coaching their rival?" asked Thompson. "But we've learned that </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgxjryQ059I/AAAAAAAAACI/DUTJg62EF5U/s1600-h/gball1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 154px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgxjryQ059I/AAAAAAAAACI/DUTJg62EF5U/s200/gball1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335749262405068754" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">owner Zigi Milf has some weird-ass record producer named Glen Ballard (pictured) lined up to replace him if need be, so we figured that'd be even better." (Ballard is noted for making horseshit albums with previously worthwhile musicians, composing sci-fi computer game music, and creepiness) Thompson's hope was that Major Dad would get hired </span></span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">elsewhere in the division.</span></span>
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">
<br /></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Da Bears</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">Thompson and Favre's plan extended to the Bears as well, though Favre never had any intention of infiltrating the organization personally. "I think older Packer fans would've driven down to Chicago and made a human swiss-cheesehead out of me with their shotguns if I played for the Bears. It's just not worth the risk." So Thompson used some indebted friends who work for the Denver Broncos, and his connections through Favre's agent, Bus Cook, to ensure a weaker Chicago team for years to come. "So let's just say I've got some friends in Denver. And we play MarioKart Wii on Tuesdays and Thursday nights over the internet thing. I'm always Wario cause he's as insane as they come, and he seems to be easier to maneuver on that trippy level where everything's shiny and you keep falling off into space. Anyway, we had this tourna</span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgxmhPH7slI/AAAAAAAAACQ/-gP4wonNEik/s1600-h/mk1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgxmhPH7slI/AAAAAAAAACQ/-gP4wonNEik/s200/mk1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335752379708715602" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">ment going, and well, I wiped the floor with them. The wager was a couple of draft picks - yeah, I played the whole field, I'm that good and they know it... bitches! - sorry, so one way or another, we'd exchange them. But we couldn't figure out a way to get them from Denver to Green Bay, so I suggested something different. I said, how about you guys trade Cutler to Chicago if they'll mortgage their future for him? They knew, just like I did from Bus, that this Cutler guy is ready to crack. I mean, I won't get into it, but it's weird stuff, man and it's gotten worse. And I knew once the trade was done, I could get Bus to give Jay a little... 'push.' You see, madness, as you know - is like gravity."
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">The trade was made, and Cutler has apparently been seen snorkeling in Lake Michigan in drag on more than one occasion since his arrival. The Bears now have 3 draft picks in the next 17 years, a diminishing defense, a ticking time-bomb at quarterback, and a stadium full of F.I.B.'s. Thompson: "Mission accomplished there, I'd say."
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">Plans for Minnesota Foiled</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span style="font-size:100%;">But as the Chicago front seemed tied up, Favre's dreams of leading the Vikings to a crash and burn finale went up in flames prematurely. Thompson's e-mail slip-up sent a massive Gmail 'conversation' to his entire list of contacts, including a number of fan blogs, media sources, NFL GM's </span></span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">and Joey Buttafuoco, who was the first to publish the information on his widely-read fine dining blog. "Really, we're pissed and I'm pissed, and well, it blows goats," said Thompson, who is facing league punishment. "But Goodell talks the talk and really walks the walk of... well, a nancy. And he owes me a few fourth-rounders from that Halo 2 tournament anyway." Favre added "But really, purple? I mean it would've been tough. And I think they're in good hands with Sagevaris, so I think things will end up probably pretty much the same after Cutler goes postal on the 'El' in a gorilla suit next Monday."
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-size:100%;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="">When asked if the two had ever made plans to disrupt the Lions' operations, Thompson responded "they're the ones who play in Detroit, right?"</span>
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><span style="">
<br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-9965024495188049722009-05-13T11:11:00.011-04:002009-05-13T11:48:54.947-04:00Doctors Report Emperor Palpatine's Dementia Worsening, Empire Fucked<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgrjUpE7qtI/AAAAAAAAABw/tG-03l9Af6U/s1600-h/madhatter2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 202px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgrjUpE7qtI/AAAAAAAAABw/tG-03l9Af6U/s320/madhatter2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335326652337203922" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-size:100%;">by Alphuster Mervleputz, updated 11am ET 5/13/09</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Empire physicians (pictured above with Mr. Palpatine) reported Monday that the Emperor's condition has worsened, and that his delusions have nearly eclipsed his rational view of the galaxy. Insistent on wearing robes he purchased in Liberace's estate sale, the Emperor has proclaimed that a Mr. "God," and his son, a Mr. "Jeeves Cryste," are responsible for creation and salvation, respectively -- and that it is his duty to oversee that all of this goes according to plan.<br /><br />Meanwhile, the Empire's foundation seems to be eroding due to a lack of competent executive direction. The man many think of as Mr. Palpatine's second-in-command, Mr. Vader, has been missing since early March -- and many fear recent events and work-related stress have pushed Mr. Vader back to old drug habits, and that he is lost somewhere in the K-hole. In an anonymous call to the Times on Friday, a source reported that Vader was "totally fucked, dude. Why do you care about my friend, man, where's my sandwiches? I called like almost an hour ago and I'm STARVED!"<br /><br />Other reports indicate that the safety of the new battlestation "Death Star," scheduled for completion next month, may be compromised as well, as a set of catastrophic-weakness-plans is apparently missing. Those responsible have been sacked. All attempts to reach the mysterious Mr. Cryste (in the desperate hope that he actually exists outside of Mr. Palpatines distorted sense of reality) to procure a solution for the Galaxy's problems have failed.</span><br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></span></span>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-21371390181589960972009-05-13T10:33:00.005-04:002009-05-13T11:07:54.703-04:00HOPE FOR INVESTORS DUPED IN GEORGE WASHINGTON PONZI SCHEME<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgraRVmDn9I/AAAAAAAAABg/5-p4IPIunAk/s1600-h/madhatter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 148px; height: 183px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SgraRVmDn9I/AAAAAAAAABg/5-p4IPIunAk/s200/madhatter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335316699963170770" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> <span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>
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<br /></span><span style=";font-family:times new roman;font-size:78%;" ></span></span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cjelcs%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="font-size:78%;"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="State"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="time"></o:smarttagtype><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">by Finkleton Pollutes, updated </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="10"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">10am ET</span></st1:time></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Georgia; panose-1:2 4 5 2 5 4 5 2 3 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">
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<br />Some hope remains for investors duped by founding father George Washington (pictured), as it appears billions were withdrawn from Mr. </span><st1:state><st1:place><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">Washington</span></st1:place></st1:state><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">'s account just days before his arrest. "Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder, " said </span><st1:state><st1:place><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">Washington</span></st1:place></st1:state><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"> Tuesday, dodging a question from a reporter inquiring as to his ridiculous age(277) and young appearance.
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<br />It is perhaps his mysterious exuberance which has grown Mr. </span><st1:state><st1:place><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">Washington</span></st1:place></st1:state><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">'s popularity among impressionable youths. His spoutings on the dangers of a powerful central government (usually in response to questions about his financial transgressions) have riled up young Americans unhappy with the prospect of "just another king," as one revolutionary-studies-major-from NYU-gone-Washington-groupie put it.
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<br />When asked about sentencing for financial crimes, </span><st1:state><st1:place><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;">Washington</span></st1:place></st1:state><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"> responded "Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. "
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<br />Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-87349505505831548132009-02-27T00:56:00.001-05:002009-02-27T01:00:44.266-05:00regional silverware<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">we got a coupon<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">expires February 31<sup>st</sup> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">some days i hope i last that long<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">others, not past the 23<sup>rd</sup>, <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">four days of revealing <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">the darkened corners<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">of three year old unfinished business,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">one day of draining<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">into a slowly cooling tub<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">(but i’ve not got it in me, <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">that roman trip that falls <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">on a well placed blade,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">just before being conquered<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">i know it.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">christ nick,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">i’m not sure you had it either<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">if not for the drugs)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">when you throw up<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">and it’s made of well cut diamonds, <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">rare as the Strangemorning,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">hot as the things hiding behind the sun –<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">don’t you think you’ve peaked, <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">doesn’t a glass half full become quite a boring issue?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">but there are ridiculous beats<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">that bring us out of winter<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">bass drums that make it warm<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">milwaukeeans who aren’t always drinking<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">humid and dry and nowhere inbetween,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">peter, peter, making stew,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">pete, you’ve got a lila blue<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">and a room of chops,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">shaken in a glued-down chair<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">green lights on a road of stops<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">small car with curious hands<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">quick stops for pissing<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">long times for wide states<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">signs, the welcomes of governors<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">at night, in the rain<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">through eastern </span><st1:state><st1:place><span style="font-size: 9pt;">pennsylvania</span></st1:place></st1:State><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">up and down again, <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">through jersey and her bastard trucks<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">toward the ocean<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">seldom seen<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">near the </span><st1:city><st1:place><span style="font-size: 9pt;">hudson</span></st1:place></st1:City><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">far from clean<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">belly up, the less of luck<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">some misplaced loudmouth<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">spouting at the wrong fuck<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">shaking his fists and dying his death in a cold arrival.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">i’m here to see it<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">i’m here to want home and enjoy the one i’ve made<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">i’m here to raise the whisper of a midwestern spoon<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">to the curdled scream of an east coast blade.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></span></p>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-37588593575731721072009-02-27T00:36:00.002-05:002009-02-27T00:42:26.464-05:00lung breathers<p class="MsoNormal">all torn around the room, sleeves slid downward</p> <p class="MsoNormal">and i’m done again with brain drops on the window outside.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">some mad cricket can’t see no one’s interested</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">contains the why is bleeding by, blazing sped of offish vectors</p> <p class="MsoNormal">driven mad by brainy sky, hazing head of office lectures</p> <p class="MsoNormal">make it work the way i asked and care enough </p> <p class="MsoNormal">and stop your contents.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">my stirring hand needs more beer when i’m not allowed.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">there’s been so little weather and it makes us sick,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">sun that rises like it has to, three or four minutes of brain,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">out to the ocean, where no one feels the pour</p> <p class="MsoNormal">and lungs make the quiet not so, </p> <p class="MsoNormal">heaving liquid down the hatch, panicked death of a mad cricket</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">if i’d gills, the blackened divide, sharing space with upward endless</p> <p class="MsoNormal">would be the mile i’d walk around</p> <p class="MsoNormal">leaving legs for a breathing, a melted sort of walkupon.<span style=""><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">it’s raining on my house of water, </p> <p class="MsoNormal">i care enough, i’ve found my contents</p> <p class="MsoNormal">right beside the bordered bed </p> <p class="MsoNormal">of living laterally,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">rotating far from any sort of real dark place</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">i’ve never made in my mind the nothinggrand</p> <p class="MsoNormal">like waves can make without the effort</p> <p class="MsoNormal">saying not and still it means</p> <p class="MsoNormal">the icy stare of space betweens</p> <p class="MsoNormal">i think a few have, but most of them are dead,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">conquered, quite plainly</p> <p class="MsoNormal">knights of infinite resignation with no castle to defend</p>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-6402488820186492482009-02-13T09:58:00.005-05:002009-02-13T11:21:25.506-05:00transplanting lunch ideasso yes - this is leftover facebook garbage somehow making its way onto this blog of such high standards, but don't bitch to me about it. complain here:<br /><br /> The Cunninghams<br /> 565 North Clinton Drive<br /> Milwaukee, WI 53223<br /><br />i figured it made sense to follow 'thirsty' with hunger. because when you can't have something, the best thing to do is worry about something else unattainable, like fried cheese curds.<br /><br />so the '25 random things' from facebook needed a little work, in my mind.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">this is what i was 'supposed' to do:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"I'm not sure where this original project started but I got tagged and decided to continue it by tagging those of you whom I consider to be great friends or I haven't heard from you in a while and would love to hear what you have to say. Hope you'll play along because it would/will be fun hearing from you.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> (To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> but there are a few things diverting me from this specific task:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> first, i can't stand the word random. it is perhaps the most overused word of the last decade, and usually by college freshman naming a facebook album. a random picture would be of the inside of a purse, or of an unrecognizable ceiling tile - not of you and your friends holding cups of beer and dancing badly, often scantily clad. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> secondly, i'm a jackass, and i think i'm clever. really. i mean, look at my profile picture - if that isn't a smug, self-important jackass, i've never met one. and the real point of these things isn't to 'hear what you have to say' because people consider one another 'great friends.' this is the internet. real friends use visits, and phones, and yes, i suppose e-mails too. the point is to throw your own self-important-jackass-spo</span><span style="font-style: italic;">utings into the facebook world because you don't yet have</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> a blog. well, i have a blog, but i'm REALLY excited about myself, so i'll take every opportunity i can get. and i like to meddle. </span><br /><div><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> thirdly, i'm hungry. it's what i'm thinking about. tasty things. so this is where my energy goes, since i cannot eat anything at the moment -- my 25 things are tasty things. like bacon. bacon will definitely be on there. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> so this is where i should say things like "you should really make your own list of tasty things, because i want to know more about you," and "it'll help us connect on another level" -- and if you feel like it, great, but really, i'm just taking this opportunity to write about tasty things. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> in no particular order:</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2221/2306833205_bbd1603917.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 180px;" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2221/2306833205_bbd1603917.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />1. chicken tikka masala: i know it's the least indian of the indian dishes, but it's consistently satisfying almost everywhere. a creamy tomato-y sauce, cilantro, some of those other things they put in tasty things, basmati rice. quality. find an indian lunch buffet this weekend and eat everything they serve, but definitely have some of this.<br /><br />2. the 'bronx bomber': basically a breakfast wrap they make at a bagel place in pleasantville, ny. it's only $4, and it's got sausage, ham, bacon, eggs, cheese, onions, hot sauce... i feel like i'm forgetting something. maybe salted lard?<br /><br />3. the frisco burger: i haven't had hardees in as long as i can remember. i don't even know if they make this anymore, but if not, i'd eat the leftover ones they've been keeping in the utility closet.<br /><br />4. saganaki: greek cheese sprinkled w/flour, sauteed in butter, dashed with lemon and cognac (or brandy) and set on fire. serve with bong rips and leather couch nap.<br /><br />5. vegetable pakora from chapati: in northfield, mn. yes, more indian. with coriander chutney, perhaps the best appetizer possible. lots of places make these poorly. chapati isn't one of them. em and i used to hope they'd be on the lunch buffet, and a few times, we even brought concealed tupperwares for buffet!: part deux - at home. i'm not ashamed.<br /><br />6. milwaukee's kosher dill midget pickles: be happy you live in wisconsin. find them near or on the bottom shelf at your local grocer. when em and i lived in ohio, we once brought a case of these back with us from madison and gave a few as gifts to our undeserving co-workers at dubois bookstore. the 17 or so jars remaining were selfishly rationed over the next 4 months. i think a jar even made it to bonnaroo that year. get the kosher ones though, they seemed to be more garlic-ish.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/74/175510060_7298d9d43d.jpg?v=0"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 141px; height: 188px;" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/74/175510060_7298d9d43d.jpg?v=0" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />7. big mike's subs: no, i know you think i mean milio's. we cannot succumb to new ownership naming. and i definitely don't mean jimmy-johns. em likes the veggie w/sprouts and avocado, i like the italian (godfather?). get yours with a pickle too, and a lemonade, then head on over to michael's for some frozen custard.<br /><br />8. beer cheese soup: good god am i from wisconsin. it sounds like the kind of thing you'd have at a bar or you dorm room the night before the worst vomit-fit day of your life -- but it's actually something i had for the first time at a fancypants-ish restaurant (weisgerber's golden mast in hartland).<br /><br />9. waffle fries: i used to hate waffle fries. why did i hate waffle fries? i don't know. that was a dumb you, me.<br /><br />10. bagel sandwiches from bagel and deli in oxford, ohio: expensive, but generally quality. i liked the 'tanya harding club,' and any breakfast bagel sandwich with bacon.<br /><br />11. cajun chicken sandwich: while i'm in oxford, i may as well head next door to skipper’s and get one of these. bar food, but good bar food, served with... waffle fries. nice.<br /><br />12. 3 year-old cheddar from sendik's in wauwatosa: more wisconsin bias, but i just can't find cheddar this good anywhere, not in ohio, not in minnesota, and certainly not out here in newyorkland. and anything that approaches real aged (measured in years, not months) cheddar is like $78/lb. but at sendiks, they usually have a few - 2, 3, 4, sometimes 5 or 6 year old cheddar for reasonable prices. the 3 year old is young enough to still be creamy, and old enough to have a good, solid bite to it. i once had a meal at my brother's that consisted of 3 things - marinated grilled tenderloin, a glass of some decent shiraz, and a pile of sendik's cheddar. that meal is in my meal hall of fame. no, you can't visit.</div><br /><br />13. the gcb: the gcb is a garlic cheeseburger served at marvin's in greencastle, indiana. both my brother, and hayes' brother went to depauw in greencastle, and we've often talked about making a marvin's roadtrip. just for gcb's. why have we not done that yet? i heard they changed the recipe. we may have to confirm this. <span style="font-style: italic;">UPDATE: apparently, there's a Marvin's in STEVENS POINT, WI NOW!?!!?!? much more manageable roadtrip, albeit minus the mystique of indiana. </span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.recipezaar.com/img/recipes/28/25/39/small/picKyrYdD.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 168px; height: 126px;" src="http://img.recipezaar.com/img/recipes/28/25/39/small/picKyrYdD.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />14. cheese pizza @ hollywood north in sleepy hollow: of the new york style pizza i've had, this has been the most consistent. not under/overcooked, and reasonably priced. i got a large pie a few weeks ago somewhere else with 3 toppings and they charged me like $22. and it was soggy and undercooked. i killed them all. no, not really.<br /><br />15. popcorn: jesus, i almost forgot popcorn. making popcorn isn't a quick snack for me, it's sort of an event. i've reverted to almost strictly popping kernels on the stove - then some butter while it's still in the pan, cover it back up - then more butter and salt in different layers into the bowl. and i dig it when movie theaters sell popcorn outside of where they take tickets, so you don't have to bother with the whole movie part.<br /><br />16. english muffins: i grew up on bay's, but i bounce back and forth between bay's and thomas.' really, i think it's butter i like, but it's nice to have a crunchy/chewy vessel for the butter.<br /><br />17. bacon: bacon.<br /><br />18. alouette garlic and herb spread with wheat thins: i'm still trying to find a 128oz. tub of this - i can get big boxes of wheat thins at sam’s.<br /><br /><span> 19. pineapple-upside-down-cake</span><div><wbr>: i’m not usually a cake kinda guy, but em makes these every once in a while, and they’re awesome. and doing this list made me remember that i think there’s at least half of one at home right now. now that i have dinner covered, i just have to figure out what to have for dessert tonight.<br /><br />20. ritter-sport: chocolate bar squares – the one with the biscuit is the best, apparently they have one with cornflakes? available in the fancypants chocolate section of a lot of groceries. and at jungle jim’s – weird world food marked place in ohio. they also sold some Nordic version of the kit-kat (much better chocolate) called kwik lunsj.<br /><br />21. grilled cheese at the cage @ st. olaf: em and i were going through a scrap book the other day, and i found a receipt for one of the 12,500 grilled cheeses i ate there – it was $1.95. part of my shock may be my east-coast cost-of-living goggles, but damn! and they were big grilled cheeses on thick bread with tons of cheese – the kind where you order it with fries and mozzarella sticks thinking you’ll still be hungry – and then you finish the g.c., and you’re so full you can only manage a handful of fries and 2 m. sticks. i’ve yet to encounter a grilled cheese with that sort of power since. with inflation, i suppose it’s a whopping $2.25 by now though.<br /><br />22. fresh veggies: i’m totally kidding.<br /><br />22. sammy smith’s oatmeal stout: wait. i can’t do that either. even though it could qualify as a food, if i start down that path, this list will never end.<br /><br />22. astronaut ice cream: okay, that works. either the neapolitan or the ice cream sandwich. similar to the popcorn situation, i’ve learned to appreciate museums where the gift shop is outside of the ticket-taker station.<br /><br />23. george webb w/coupons: i realize that times have changed, but this is still a sick deal. back in the day, i would go to the ymca with hayes to play racquetball and walleyball (volleyball in a racquetball court – lots of bank shots to the unprepared face), and we’d go across the street to webb’s for lunch and each get eggs (scrambled), toast (raisin, always burned) and hashbrowns (or bacon) and a double cheesburger each – for $6.84. that’s $3.42 each. ridiculous. a 15% tip is $1.03. bring a ten dollar bill, and you’ve got enough for two hearty lunches, and two bags of doritos and a whatchamacallit from the vending machine at the y as an afternoon snack.<br /><br />24. fried cheese curds: again, i’m obviously from wisconsin. and really, fresh cheese curds too, good and squeaky. but fried? good god. i don’t care if they’re $4.99 for a 3”X 4” cardboard dish at the state fair or summerfest – it’s worth my $25 for enough to be satisfied until we find the funnel cake guy.</div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://blogs.jsonline.com/blogs/fishoutofwater/cheese%20curd.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 178px; height: 171px;" src="http://blogs.jsonline.com/blogs/fishoutofwater/cheese%20curd.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />25. bacon: again, bacon.<br /><div><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">so that’s my answer to the 25 random things. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> please yell (with violent text) at me for all the things i forgot. or just make your own list. but do it when you’re hungry. people say going to the grocery when you’re hungry is a bad idea, but i think it’s worse to go when you’re full, cause then you’re all ‘wheat thins and dip, i don’t want that’ and then later you’re all sitting on the couch watching everybody loves raymond and you’re all ‘why didn’t i get some goddamned wheat thins and dip? i’m starving, and all i have are fresh veggies!’ but even then, don’t forget that you got 4 pounds of bacon at sam’s last time and it’s in the freezer.</span></div>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-688161861497938862009-01-29T00:55:00.001-05:002009-01-29T00:57:28.827-05:00realize how thirsty you arehad the lower leaves covered,<br />the apples brought in<br /><br />rain freezes on its way to the tops of our hatted hair<br />crept up cold inside the warmth of september breezes curling up the hill,<br />raising the dusty earth to our knees and the smells of plants<br />drift and settle, as if crumbled and held just before our noses as we slept.<br /><br />i woke up with home in my nostrils,<br />distant and here now,<br />resting between us in bed, under the dog<br /><br />hiding from the weather<br />like a quick nap at a family party<br />in the rooms that keep out little kids' intrigue<br />i'd put a 'no toys' sign on the door if reading informed wandering<br /><br />crisp from cold storms<br />it's hard to save them for the kettle<br />and spiced jars full of later spoonfulls<br /><br />biting in to feel the juice slide down<br />and remind me of my own hunger,<br />the watery meat of chilled fruit<br /><br />never spent a whole day lying on the ground<br />after a great fall, letting go with my stem<br />i've stood up to come inside for a tall glass of well water.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-991514470947843782008-12-19T00:19:00.002-05:002008-12-19T00:24:08.341-05:00ryan can't wait to open what you got him for chriksmess<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SUsvm1fFZiI/AAAAAAAAAAo/88DixxX8Cdg/s1600-h/Photo+18.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Gj-XYPYOe6g/SUsvm1fFZiI/AAAAAAAAAAo/88DixxX8Cdg/s400/Photo+18.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5281367332261029410" border="0" /></a>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-72700365823003670172008-12-18T10:56:00.036-05:002008-12-19T20:16:12.845-05:00Happy Solstice, and Non-Specific Governing Force of the Universe, bless us everyone!<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/217/515085661_cf30e27edd.jpg?v=0"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 201px;" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/217/515085661_cf30e27edd.jpg?v=0" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">merry christmas vs. happy holidays vs. bread and jam for Francis</span><br /></div><br />So here's another insignificant issue that I have no simple answer for... well except for the bread and jam part -- Francis is spot on, and bread and jam should be part of every meal... but on the other two - I've stood a bit on both sides of the fence, arguing with myself, like a true student of philosophy. As a somewhat-newly realized political moderate, I still cling to a fistful of conservative-type views of the world, trying not to ignore the decaying quality of propriety, and of our tradition and resolve in the world. At the same time, I try to choose my battles wisely.<br /><br />I've been told by a few intelligent people that they think I look and sound and smell like a libertarian (I think the mix of selfish-scotch and careless-hippyism hanging on my recent history cued their noses) -- but I think rights are invented things, not inherent to the social life - and in that sense, not an intrinsic good. So that's sort of like being a Christian who thinks Jesus was just a 'neatish kinda guy.'<br /><br />So moving forward with the Jesus thing -- this is a season of mostly religious holidays. That's the premise on which this bickering is based, and somewhat humorously, it's become a relatively faulty one. But I'll come back to that. The arguments basically unfold as such:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A</span>:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">1. Christmas is a particular religious holiday</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />2. Not all of us are members of that religion, or celebrate Christmas</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />3. The public offering of celebration wishes should be inclusive, as not to marginalize or offend those to whom certain observances may not apply.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />4. The idea that Christmas has transcended religious views, and as a normal part of our culture, should not be considered offensive - is not convincing or fair. Perhaps one had his/her children eaten by the Ferocious Christian of Waukesha, or he/she was forced by his/her schoolmates to eat cross-shaped Christmas cookies to the point of traumatic stomach discomfort. We all know that any degree of sensitivity to non-neutral expressions of thought or belief is possible, and we must plan our lives accordingly.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">1. Stop being such a nancy and eat another cookie, or I'll sick the FC of W on you.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />2. There is no #2</span><br /><br />So those are the two positions, in a nutshell. But despite the merrychristmasers' claim that there is no #2, I think they're both completely full of shit.<br /><br />As with most things of theological 'significance,' the celebration of Christmas was discussed, drawn up, bickered over, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, <em>lost</em> again, signed in triplicate, and eventually agreed upon by old, snaggletoothed white men in very tall hats and gold robes. The short version of the story is that a few hundred years ago, they began a hostile takeover of Winter Solstice - mainly by setting the celebration of the birth of Christ (which probably took place sometime in Autumn) 4 days removed from said Solstice. Since then, more white people have continued their work, adopting one Solstice tradition after another, wrapping them in swaddling clothes, placing them a manger, and calling them Christianity. Holly, ivy, mistletoe, yule log, the giving of gifts, decorated trees, magical reindeer, etc. -- you guessed it -- all Solstice.<br /><br />So, as one is what one eats, Christmas has become what the Christians stomped out so long ago: a pagan celebration of giving, generic good will, and the worship of tangible things -- egg nog, ipods, celestial bodies, whatever. But I do agree that our <span style="font-weight: bold;">new </span>traditions are just like believing in God -- trampelled Walmart employees, neverending delays at LaGuardia, arguments with relatives, supressing our natural needs, giving in to authority figures, and listening to great aunt Mervleputz talk drunkedly about all the people she knows who have died since last Christmas, and from what disease, and at what hostpital.<br /><br />But even with all the shades of similarity, Christmas is not, and has never been, a religious holiday for most. We're really just celebrating the shortest daylight of the year with red and green flair four days late. So when the vehement bullies demand that 'Merry Christmas-es' fill our American air, it doesn't offend me, but I don't exactly agree.<br /><br />So Happy Solstice, one and all. Enjoy your bread and jam, and any of you guys call me Francis... and I'll kill you.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.davejenkins.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/francis.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="http://www.davejenkins.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/francis.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-52661305997527115622008-12-12T12:03:00.018-05:002008-12-18T09:55:49.038-05:00quoter bewarea few days ago, i was traversing this internet thing for help using some music software, and i noticed that all the registered users on forums have little 'signatures,' or quotes below their respective posts. apparently, these sorts of things briefly and effectively explain your beliefs and who you are, even when they aren't your words. among the spattering of oscar wilde quips, painfully inaccurate lebowski references, and out-of-context nietzsche phrases was the following piece of brilliance:<br /><br />"talking about music is like dancing about architecture."<br /><br />hmm...<br /><br />i must admit, my brain's knee-jerk reaction was: 'that's a clever little ...'<br /><br />but then i realized something -- it wasn't a clever little anything. in fact, at second glance, that sentence meant absolutely nothing to me. and it wasn't just an opinion. talking about music is NOTHING like dancing about architecture. and even if it were, why should that matter?<br /><br />but to be fair, i'll try and offer what point the quoted (after a search or two, i found this quote has been attributed to steve martin, elvis costello, and numerous others who have denied ever saying it) may have been trying to get across.<br /><br />the best i can come up with, is that the speaker was trying to criticize the act of spending one's time talking about an artistic endeavor, rather than simply making art. maybe i'm missing something, but that seems the most likely aim.<br /><br />even with this projected interpretation, the quote fails to make a proper analogy. the statement is about as coherent as saying that 'reading about salmon is like painting about carrots,' or 'doing a walking tour of yankee stadium is like playing football in the ocean.'<br /><br />this sort of analogy (or the attempted sort) is meant to make use of a comparison in which the second example mimics the first in form, but presents us with a shared quality of incoherence or logical absurdity. a good example would be: 'spending time and energy on this blog is like mailing letters to god.' the pointlessness of the second example is meant to highlight the not-so-obvious (in comparison) futility of the first action without saying it outright. in this case, it does so because <span style="font-style: italic;">futility </span>is a shared quality here -- mailing letters to god is absurd because god does not exist (nobody's reading), and if he did, he would only bother reading letters from NFL players and attorneys. the first is absurd because there is no readership here (nobody's reading).<br /><br />we all remember the tests in grade school -- 'mother is to father as sister is to _________.' if we had answered 'hedgehog,' the tests would have determined we were most likely to be ship-boat captains, and they would have called Social Services about some seriously messed up ideas about familial structure -- but apparently we'd also be quoted on nerd forums about vst inputs and latency control. such is the price for internet immortality, i suppose.<br /><br />but the point i'm trying to make -- my most recent silent tree in the woods -- is that we love the tidy little morsels that quotes and sayings afford so much that we rarely care to inspect them further and address their actual worth or depth of meaning. our standards of logic and significance have somehow fallen to the level where NFL players and attorneys are worth listening to. "we just have to take it one game at a time, keep our focus on execution, and give 110%" and "if it doesn't fit, you must aquit."<br /><br />when salvador dali said "i don't do drugs, i am drugs," he said nothing of value or meaning. he said the kind of thing that a hundred-thousand 18 year old stoners have thought up in the last seven months. "it's like we're not just listening to the music, but like we're really <span style="font-weight: bold;">there, in the music<span style="font-style: italic;">, </span></span>like we're in tune with it man." but because enough high people thought a dripping clock was worthy of praise, and this man painted a dripping clock, it's considered a great and famous quotation. and even i was fooled into liking that one until i was about18 and a half.<br /><br />even truly great and intelligent people have certain phrases or words emphasized at the befuddling expense of other, more meaningful ones. the gettysburg address is a great speech. it's well written because lincoln was a well-read smartypants. but it's a 2 minute speech dedicating a piece of land after a battle - and i think most people i know, myself included - know more of the gettysburg address than of anything else lincoln ever said or wrote. his first inaugural address is a thing of beauty, much more historically informative than the g.a. -- and we've probably never heard a word of it. <br /><br />and at the same time, more of us recognize hilariously cheesy movie lines, like "i'm the king of the world" or "they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom" than do passages from martin luther king's 'i have a dream' speech, or of fdr's first inaugural address (fear itself...). of course, this sort of phenomenon points to the reality that it isn't the <span style="font-style: italic;">content </span>of the words we hear which determines their imprint on our memory, but the <span style="font-style: italic;">method and volume</span> in which they are delivered. if the reverse were true, we'd realize that in fact, we actually need to be living to possess freedom. we could simply empty out that slot in our brains to store something about quantum entanglement, or equal rights, or advice on how to keep the dog from barking when we come home from work -- and then put down our rusty dagger and bent up shield, and head home to<em></em> "either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing." and maybe even read a few things worth remembering.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-85393178947773752812008-12-01T19:22:00.000-05:002008-12-18T13:00:14.327-05:00dust on the bottleto tell you the truth, i think you're crazy,<br />hanging all around on circumstance<br />forgetting to drain the shower,<br />drinking as quickly as possible<br /><br />in the summertime,<br />ba do bee do ba boo,<br />when the will of wine<br />has it's grip around you<br /><br />in the night time<br />you've got typing<br />you've got typing on your mind<br /><br />writing off the written off<br />making yourself, rotating,<br />simply repeating what the thunder said<br /><br />and in comes the explaination<br />scarf and pipe,<br />smoking what he likes<br />waiting for no one,<br />leaving no one waiting<br />belonging to nobody<br />(there is no reason beside ourselves,<br />it's a great fiction, rooming with rights,<br />right religion and allknowing)<br /><br />i've got him captured. so do you,<br />in your own wanders through and through,<br />wading slow in morning's hue<br />catching toes of sprinkled dew<br />barely missing autumn flu,<br />the place you'd found, and swore you knew<br />given its own breath, and beyond all grasp of recognition<br /><br />i know why it makes you sad<br />to miss the answers you designed,<br />tame and blessed, stained lightly<br />with the subtle tones of older wine<br /><br />i'll come to bed soon, sliding in the coldish toes<br />wake up, and remember nothing we wrote<br />or drank or smoked<br />curled stretches move my head just enough<br />to catch the small white patch perched<br />beneath a looming blackbird<br />on the tree that shades my sleeping from sun.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-2472040841521661392008-11-28T00:14:00.001-05:002008-11-28T00:14:57.427-05:00so...thanks. for that. and the other thing.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-88923049284342057542008-11-10T13:45:00.001-05:002008-11-10T13:47:34.429-05:00i just couldn't resistwhen i saw the headline: "monks brawl in jerusalem"<br /><br />i don't even think i need to write anything. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/27643371#27643371">http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/27643371#27643371</a><br /><br />i watched it without any sound (at work) and had to keep from giggling. what a wonderful thing, religion.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-69510021105838020702008-11-07T23:19:00.002-05:002008-11-07T23:22:03.788-05:00on the same type of seriouser notei'm glad i'm not em's jackolantern, because it had just really its bottom teeth gnawed off by a raccoon animal or a 'possum animal or a misguided supercharged nocturnal plaque being.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-83545559119220611442008-11-07T23:18:00.003-05:002008-11-07T23:19:39.254-05:00on a more seriouser notei'm glad i'm not my jackolantern because it had its face eaten off in the middle of the night by raccoon animals or 'possum animals or starving nocturnal inconsiderate children.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-24340312704791259052008-11-05T13:07:00.000-05:002008-11-05T16:37:57.302-05:00on progress<span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >i won't try to claim that it was a major consideration for voters in this country, but there's a topic i've heard some discussion about that i feel is in DIRE need of some deconstruction: "is america ready for a black president?" several months ago, the question was accompanied by "is america ready for a female president?"<br /><br />while i think it may be worth a few minutes in the broader span of a lifetime to discuss the answer of such questions, the larger-picture-considering, point-at-the-elephant-in-the-room, asshole in me is stomping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs "WHO THE F*#K CARES?!" it's not because i think the answer is obvious, or completely irrelevant. it matters a great deal to black/woman candidate deciding whether to run or not, and it matters to their opponent - but aside from those directly involved, the discussion is <span style="font-weight: bold;">entirely academic</span>.<br /><br />just as the race of a candidate in and of itself should have no impact on a voter's decision (in a perfect world), whether a population is 'ready' for their leader to be anything but old and white shouldn't even be entertained while one makes up his/her mind.<br /><br />i don't claim this is any sort of revolutionary idea - but that's part of the problem. it should be a non-issue, and my belief as such is tied strongly to my feelings and beliefs about progress. not about a particular example though, as simply electing a black president is not progress - this is not an endorsement or celebration of Obama's victory, but that doesn't mean i'm not happy about the outcome. my point is that a discussion of race is <span style="font-weight: bold;">not</span> a discussion of value, and i think the most effective means of growing up socially as a nation have much more in common with Rawls' 'veil of ignorance,' than they do with a strategy of likelihood or gauging our population's ability to 'handle' change. real change on this scale is usually brought about somewhat violently, not as an epiphany to be reached once we've achieved some abstract state of tolerance - and i think it's set in motion most effectively by changing the expectations of your surroundings.<br /><br />the difficult conclusion that i've come to is that sometimes, the mob-rule quality of democratic society should be disregarded - not often, but i believe there are cases in which responsible citizens and leaders need to ignore the majority, and disregard the attitudes of large groups of people. in a country like the one we live in, it is perhaps the only way that significant progress can be made, and that's a difficult pill to swallow, but i believe it's true.<br /><br />this country wasn't 'ready' for the civil rights act, or for integration in public schools. they happened anyway. people fought it, people died, people persevered. i have no sympathy for those who didn't get their way in that decision. they were wrong. i don't care how popular being wrong was - it was a victory for egalitarian democracy. and it was a victory for humanity.<br /><br />i'd argue that this country wasn't even 'ready' for the americans with disabilities act of 1990. as with any great new expectation/law, those who can get away with holding to outdated notions (either for personal comfort, or financial gain) will do so as long as they can. it's absurd that states have to pass laws mandating that mental health be covered under health insurance policies 18 years after the ADA.<br /><br />but the fact that we're cleaning up the pieces decades down the road doesn't mean the sweeping change was made prematurely -- indeed, i think it more than confirms the need for such action in regard to equality and 21st century society's ethical standards. the point is to create an expectation of equality. when the bus leaves, it will drive slowly, and that's frustrating for progressive and modern minds - but at least it's being driven with some authority. and there is nothing wrong with leaving the 12th century, and those stuck in it, behind. i wish religious leadership (and not just islam, but overcoming fear and hatred of women, homosexuals and other religious groups seems to be a greater challenge for islamic nations) would be able to reconcile honor of the sacred with a respect for human fallibility and growth -- but for now, i'm willing to stay cynical, only expecting such integrity from the secular side of citizenry.<br /><br />i've grown more severe about this issue in recent years, and my own expectations have spread to domains i used to leave alone. i think most of us theoretically disagree with the use of unfairly discriminatory terms, but when the 'chips are down,' (sometimes literally) we laugh at racist jokes, mimic people with distracting disabilities, and think that to condemn the occasional poke of fun is just taking things too seriously -- bedwetting liberalism to some. but i think my own thoughts about human psychology and sociology have shifted as of late - and i think apparent overcompensation is just what humans need in a time that requires a near universal leap of attitude-ical levels. in the book "anger," Thich Nhat Hanh writes about the age-old practice of 'punching a pillow,' to 'release' anger. it seems our modern understanding of physiology and its relationship with behavior leads us to a very different conclusion, </span><span style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;" >and Nhat Hanh proposes it as such:<br /><br /></span><pre style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" ><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> "Expressing anger is not always the best way to deal with<br /> it. In expressing anger we might be practicing or rehearsing<br /> it, and making it stronger in the depth of our consciousness.<br /> Expressing anger to the person we are angry at can cause a lot<br /> of damage.<br /><br /> Some of us may prefer to go into our room, lock the door,<br /> and punch a pillow. We call this "getting in touch with our<br /> anger". But I don't think this is getting in touch with our<br /> anger at all. In fact, I don't think it is even getting in<br /> touch with our pillow. If we are really in touch with our<br /> pillow, we know what a pillow is and we won't hit it."<br /><br /></span></pre><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;font-size:100%;" >Now, i understand that his style of writing may take some getting used to, and many consider this sort of thinking laughably childish -- but i would contend that such a reading is an inaccurate, lazy one. sometimes, basic ideas get misread as complicated ones, and i think changes in attitudes are about changing our environment and our patterns. our emotions are not disconnected from our rational expressions, and to act as if they are - to express violence behind closed doors - is ignoring the influence feelings and actions have on one another. for example, breaking the patterns and attitudes of an alcoholic are most effective when they are universal. recovering alcoholics don't have a 'harmless' couple of beers from time to time, and they can't believe that it wouldn't be a big deal - not only because of the physical addiction, but because of the <span style="font-weight: bold;">power and growth potential of repeated behaviors</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">and unexamined attitudes</span>. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">behavior is a model of physiology, in my mind - consider muscle memory, and how long it takes for a quarterback to fix a 'bad' throwing motion. consider plain old memory - and how we can actually fool ourselves into inventing elements of an event that never happened, simply by repeating the memory a certain way in our brain. it all has to do with the pathways of signals, the strengthening of connections, and our physical or psychological comfort level with what happened the last 9,000 times we threw a ball with our elbow too high, had just one beer without telling anyone, or told a joke about niggers, towel-heads, or crackers. we may have perfected a spiral-on-a-rope, enjoyed the taste of a brew without getting out of hand, or filled the room (including the black friend who's just so cool about everything) with laughter. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">but when it's time to throw a fade pass with some touch to the corner of the endzone, our mechanics will fail us. when our wife asks us where the last mgd went, and we lie, our patterns failed us. when our black friend stops showing up for poker night, and your buddy's kid takes the fifth spot - and learns how hilarious it is to make fun of people because of their skin color - our harmless exceptions are failing a whole new generation. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">so, as someone who generally can't stand the ACLU, who thinks affirmative action usually ends up being a disgrace to everyone involved, and thinks the 'unity' of any individual race or religion or ethnic group isn't really unity at all - i know that the fight for equality and fairness is just as corruptible as any other, just as susceptible to overfeeling and underthinking, and vice-versa. but when the 'readiness' of my country to accept leadership based on skin color, or gender, or favorite ice cream topping, or hat size, is genuinely brought into question - i think it's time to grill the moderator, and demand valid topics of debate. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">we're ready for much more than outdated religious standards and 'guidance,' bigoted shit farmers, the mob of the recent right and the empty promises and do-nothingness of the aging left. at the very least, it's time to start turning our static modernism into some real expectations. so go apologize to your pillow. </span><br /></div>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-57234233688638175382008-10-28T09:19:00.000-04:002008-10-28T10:59:20.450-04:00something worth getting angry about<div id=":9a" class="ArwC7c ckChnd"><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" href="http://www.jsonline.com/news/33408454.html" target="_blank">http://www.jsonline.com/news/<wbr>33408454.html</a><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">this is the kind of news story that just shouldn't be there. i shouldn't be able to go to my hometown newspaper and see the headline "man charged with 10th drunken driving offense." there are so many reasons why this should just not be possible. for organization's sake, i'll list a few, because i know you're so very interested (even though you, the 'readers' don't exist in the case of this blog):</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">1. probability factor #1 -- you know why we never hear of someone's 10th d.u.i.? -- it certainly isn't because we have reasonably tough laws to keep these people off the road - it's because they usually kill themselves and/or a few others on their 1st, 2nd or 3rd. the fact that this guy has somehow not killed anyone is astounding, and defies all odds. if i didn't want to cut off his testacles and feed them to a raccoon, i'd go meet him and ask him to buy me a lottery ticket. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">2. probability factor #2 -- the fact that he's been ARRESTED 10 times is completely ridiculous as well. i imagine this guy has probably been drunk about 90% of the time he's driven a car in the last 20 years. i don't think that's an outrageous conjecture. and i would expect that one would get caught while driving visibly impaired (to other drivers, pedestrians, the odd cop car he happens to drive by) maybe one out of every 4 or 5 times. and that's when it's REALLY blatant. like pissed his pants, threw up on the dash, bumper bowling with the sidewalks drunk. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">3. there was a woman in the car with him. they switched seats when he got pulled over, so she obviously knew this guy had prior convictions/a history. just the fact that TWO HUMAN BRAINS couldn't catch this decision in the "why the fuck would i ever let this guy/myself drive" filter is a testament to how insanely wide the range of function there is in our species. i only hope that these two represent the far extreme, opposite the guy who invented the remote control.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">4. the only humans lower on the scale of reason and responsibility are ... whoever has been in charge of our drug and alcohol policy for the last 75 years, and the rest of us that tolerate it. i mean, i'm all about america being a great place and all, but i think the system is in need of more than just a slight tweaking when you can get 5-10 in a federal prison for growing a pot plant in your basement, and this scum of the earth (AND HIS FUCKING CHAPERONE) is out there trying to keep his van on one of the three blurry roads in his line of vision. as i've ranted before, i think there are a lot of causes that aren't worth the effort, but the attitude that 'rights' are more important than public safety should be stomped out of any intelligent, compassionate society long before ol' Numbnuts has a chance to get behind the wheel again. here i go...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">but things don't change. i've had personal experience with friends who have either lost their own life, or taken others' by drinking and driving, and my disappointment isn't so much with their behavior, although i certainly think such acts should come with severe punishment (one paid for his mistake with his own life, the other will continue to pay for the rest of his with guilt and a constant need for strict self-control). my beef is with their (and my) friends who act shocked and careful for a month or two, and then continue their weekly drive home from the bar after 5 or 6 mgd's and 4 shots of absolut. i know that most everyone has driven once or twice when they shouldn't have - usually when we're 17. but to continue doing so into your 20's and beyond, and after you've seen what can happen to good people who make that one bad choice - is like spitting on graves.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">it's not a funny story anymore - "i was so smashed, i don't even know how i got home," - trying deal with something we know is flatly immoral and offensive by making it funny. i wonder if the same people think it's funny when they have to pay for the medical bills of 50-year smokers and motorcycle wheely-pullers who think helmets are 'gay.' we're so selfish that we can't bear to consider the potential consequences, so we leave our cares at home, in the sock drawer, or buried back in the closet in a box next to a picture of a dead friend, or up on the shelf with all the booze we could be drinking at home anyway, with living friends, with the music quiet enough to still have a conversation, and the price of watered-down beer at a reasonable retail level. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">now, i've been to bars, i understand the appeal. but i've also lived next to one. i understand the fights, the broken glass that pops my tires, and the wasteoids stumbling out the door in their cloak of shit cologne, to their black car, revving the engine and speeding off toward the 'bystanders' and the 'families of three' and the 'telephone poles.' they ride off with their rights strapped to their chests, terrorizing the innocents like some jackass jihadist, fighting for nothings, blaring badass music to enhance the feeling of independence and power that comes from slamming coors all night and grabbing an ass or two. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">so i realize this isn't most of the people i know, or would care to know. and yes, i'm a little more 'personally' pissed about this, because this particular 10-time asshole was pulled over on roads that lead to the cottage and my brother's house. but i've had a shitty month, and this gives me the opportunity to vent about something i take very seriously. i do a lot of crap that avoids rational behavior filters. i have very little right to preach to anyone about anything. but i think that the 'right' to scream at the top of my lungs about this - even AT people i consider pretty in-line with reasonable standards for citizenship and decency - is one i'd fight for. but i'll fight sober, or i'll take a damn cab to the battlefront. </span><br /><br /></div><div style="display: none;" class="FL1GFc"><div class="AG5mQe RRKCwe"><img class="UFDhhb" src="http://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" /></div><div class="YrSjGe ckChnd"><div class="ObUWHc hj2SD"><table class="BwDhwd"><tbody><tr><td class="zyVlgb XZlFIc" style="width: auto;"><span class="lHQn1d"><img class="KaaYad QgQaBc" src="http://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" /></span><span class="JDpiNd"><img class="ilX2xb QrVm3d" id="upi" name="upi" jid="joshchristiansen@gmail.com" src="http://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" width="16" height="16" /></span><span email="joshchristiansen@gmail.com" class="EP8xU" style="color: rgb(0, 104, 28);">Josh Christiansen</span></td><td class="zyVlgb XZlFIc"><table class="K9osId"><tbody><tr><td><div class="IUCKJe bWGucb">and yes, i'm a little more 'personally' pissed about this, because he was pul...</div></td></tr></tbody></table></td><td class="i8p5Ld"><div class="XZlFIc"><span id=":8h" class="rziBod" title="Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 12:31 AM" alt="Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 12:31 AM">12:31 AM (8 hours ago)</span> <span></span></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div></div></div><div><br /></div>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-55930290007195138102008-10-22T00:50:00.000-04:002008-10-22T01:31:24.325-04:00fluff and circumstrands in old duder's headperhaps part of my blog readership problem is that i don't use gimmicks to get all of the nonyous involved, like polling everynobody's 'top 5 lumber companies north of the mason-dixon line' or 'best dead poet's contemporary society's critiques of said dead poet's least famous poem' (which i think says more about the universe we live in than even the top 2 lumber companies, but less than 'socially acceptable sideburn length's correlation to number of hard drug using congressmenandwomen'), but pardon me for having STANDARDS (common excuse for short-sightedness/egomania). <br /><br />if i were to ask an either/or, it would be... (i'm going nowhere near t-rex vs. bluelips) ... okay. got one that i can comment back and forth about with myself: would you rather go see shakespeare of your choice performed by brits with 'sir's and 'lady's in front of their names on the playbill, or go see some beethoven string quartets performed brilliantly by dorks in highwater pants?<br /><br />a. brits<br />b. dorks<br />c. wii tennis<br /><br />that's my survey. here's the value of each as relayed to me by a yet unnamed congressman jonesin' for some blow:<br /><br />a. brits<br />good shakespeare combines the musical aspect of spoken poetry with the great human element. alongside dostoevsky, shakespeare would partner the world's most worthy private psychology practice. kings, paupers, student-murderers, revolutionaries -- the two have the 'condition' covered. i suppose though, that the rate of rehabilitation of their patients may not be so respectable - lots of godless pricks, suicidal intellectuals, and born-again whores with imprisoned boyfriends - but they'd diagnose like there was no tomorrow.<br /><br />b. dorks<br />the string quartet is, in the words of daniel p. christiansen, simply the finest ensemble that will ever be forced to sit in a semi-circle and read little black dots together, and cue each other with ridiculous heaving breaths and flips of wavy hair. okay, so those weren't his exact words, but you get the point. a well-executed late beethoven quartet is like learning a new language without all the memorization (no, this isn't an ad for rosetta stone) - you just can't speak it when it's over.<br /><br />c. wii tennis<br />not much i've known is as satisfying as beating sarah and elisa, to quote a certain tv ad, "like a rented mule."Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-87087263940099804502008-10-20T03:15:00.000-04:002008-10-21T00:22:12.495-04:00draft, octoberishof the four we name the most, fall is the greatest season.<br />it settles down, oversized feathered winds<br />blowing fragile collections at our window as we drive down the hill.<br /><br />we hang comfort on our shoulders,<br />stand amidst the swirling with hands in lined pockets<br />like some great solitude of hidden worth, always looking alone,<br />always feeling love and failure and memory.<br /><br />fall points outside of itself in memory,<br />to strangers lost and loves diminished,<br />to friends dead and dying, to acquaintances' gentle colors.<br /><br />it points to early spring snow at a funeral,<br />to chantal's taking off and david's coming down,<br />to quiet flakes on the dark windshield that night,<br />and to having shared it with one who has diminished.<br /><br />of the four, fall is the warmest.<br />overestimating cold morning's hold on midafternoon,<br />overcoats in summerish sun, sweatish brow,<br />hot hair and carseats that woke up with a chill.<br /><br />there isn't any other right now<br />than my corduroy, than my sinuses<br />than the dewed lawn as a sea for shortwalks,<br />wetting toes like a static rain that becomes our bodies.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-24157815250260086322008-10-13T03:32:00.000-04:002008-10-13T03:36:11.450-04:00and dan wins the prizenot sure what the prize is man, but it's coming. <br /><br />to my question about the reasoning behind not meeting with world 'leaders' who suck a big fat one, hayes gave (in my mind) the best possible answer - because it was short and full of sense. <br /><br />"talking with crooks= bad because it makes them seem more legit than they are.<br /><br />talking with crooks= good because it exposes their foolish ideas for the whole world to condemn."<br /><br />if 'one true sentence' really is the goal, there's two of them.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-4857999647471029002008-10-13T03:25:00.000-04:002008-10-13T03:26:56.653-04:00on 'part of why i'm so bitter'i've often thought i'm becoming more moderate in recent years, but the fact is, i'm just identifying with no one at all who has picked a party anymore. it doesn't even have to do with issues most of the time. i used to spend time listening to conservative talkshow hosts speak reason about fiscal policy, and watch the liberal media fall over itself trying to get some 'jfk2' elected - none of which have ever approximated jfk's ability to fuck sex symbols in the Lincoln bedroom. i still have some of that vantage point, but it no longer amuses me. and the added exhaustion of really tiring whining from some of the same talkshow hosts, and a completely assbackwards social agenda, and i have lost all real interest and respect.<br /><br />of the few friends i have who care/get involved in politics, i see 9.8/10 (congrats hayes, you're two-tenths of a person) of them controlled by their own 'ideas,' and they get pitifully invested in things that aren't worth quite so much effort or care. there are issues that demand passion and dedication until the goal is met (way to go connecticut), but these leaders and potential leaders aren't worth fighting for. all the democrats' progressive rhetoric aside, neither of the two parties we get to choose between affirms that sexual preference is something to be egalitarian about, and the republicans have tasted the power of the mob who votes for creationism - don't expect a return to a separation of church and state anytime soon. i too, am looking forward to maher's movie. and i used to be someone who defended at least the idea of religion from the dangers of a godless secularism (see Revolution, Russian). <br /><br />but god is dead, and Nietzsche didn't kill him, the born-agains did. so i'm living with that new reality.Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1382669322504185929.post-80274440456639809222008-10-11T15:59:00.000-04:002008-10-11T16:09:06.590-04:00some sort of open letter to a diety. to be read with mitch hedberg's voice in mind, maybe. (for recreational purposes only, do not try at home)<p class="MsoNormal">and so i think really we either conquer the shit out of things, or we make tea and enjoy puppies.<span style=""> </span>and it might seem best to conquer the shit out of other people's tea and puppies and then bring them back to enjoy your own tea and your own puppies when you got home, and you could put your feet up and have some bourbon and really enjoy how soft that particular new puppy is and how nice and warm and tasty that earl grey is, but then maybe not. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>what are tea and puppies really, when you've spent the whole day conquering the shit out of things? (i mean, you really fucked shit up – you’ve got like 4 times as much land as yesterday!)<span style=""> </span>i think, like, kind of like an old woman’s, unproductive waste of time really.<span style=""> </span><o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">and what is conquering the shit out of things when you've spent the day making great fucking tea and getting to know your groovy puppies?<span style=""> </span>(that one with the one ear that does that thing when he barks -- he's a fucking riot man, he really cares about you man!)<span style=""> </span>i think the conquering seems like, kind of like a pointless rage of egoism and insensitivity, and a disgrace to other living things really there, guy.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">so i think it's pretty hilarious that humans have been handed the potential for both conquering the shit out of things, and of caring deeply about the lives of puppies, and about the wonders of tea -- <b style="">at the same goddamned time!</b><span style=""> </span>we get all these cool tools like thumbs and brains and teeth and computers and lawyers to conquer the shit out of things, and all these subtle mysterious inclinations like love and compassion and ethical concerns, and the jesus guy, and the buddha guy, and other guys, and they come from the same building blocks, from the same pieces, from the same bucket of mixed up legos.<span style=""> </span>some crazy shit to think about, man.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">i don’t think there’s a dude there with a whitebeard, and a good aim with a lightning bolt, and a whole lotta veteran leadership, but i guess there are the the catholics and the hamas and the jews and the witnesses and the people who think the spaceship is comin(they've obviously decided, and when someone has decided, they are correct unless the rest of us conquer them so badly that history forgets them, and i'm quite enjoying my tea for now, thank you very much), but if he does exist, he surely is a funny, funny dude who quite obviously doesn't give a shit about puppies, or things, or tea. he’s got some wicked good shit to smoke – better than we've yet found, to enhance his enjoyment of all the observations he's probably lost interest in anyhow, so maybe he’s just listening to kid a, all starin’ off into space there, all ‘man, those horns are crazy,’ or busted stuff and he’s all like ‘tim is really good,’ and i’m like ‘man, tim isn’t on this album’ and shit.<span style=""> </span>could be.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">man, but you know, maybe not, and instead he’s got some wicked good tea and some pretty jivin’ puppies that do amazing tricks to keep his interest after conquering the universe and playing stupid tricks on all the jesuits and communists and spoiledrichsaudibastards and gandhi and brothers and sisters and acidheads and puppies that run around trying to be his friend.<span style=""> <br /></span>man.<span style=""> </span>god.<span style=""> </span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">you're one craaaaaazy motherfucker man.<span style=""> </span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">pretty good job though, so far man, i’d give you like a B-</p>Joshua (who smote them)http://www.blogger.com/profile/10119550690903093253noreply@blogger.com0